Dr. Noodle
Dr. Noodle, an animated dachshund in a mustard vest and green bow tie, tearing a page from his notebook

Your dog isn't stubborn. He's lost in translation.

Lie down. Tap his breed and read the 3 mistakes every human makes. Free, right now.

Your dog's breed

By tapping, you'll get Dr. Noodle's emails: the sheet, a tip now and then, and news about the breed files. Unsubscribe anytime. Adults 18+.

Rewards onlyEvery tip sourcedOne-time, no subscription

Already sure? Go straight to the breed files

You love this dog. Some days, you don't understand him.

That's normal, and it's fixable. One file per breed, from the dog's side of the couch: why he does it, what to do first, and when to call a pro, in ten minutes a day. $19, one-time.

The 7 behaviors, decoded: a page of the Dachshund File, its content hidden until you buyInside the file
The 7 behaviors, decoded
Your 7-day plan, day by day: a page of the Dachshund File, its content hidden until you buyInside the file
Your 7-day plan, day by day
The back: when to call the vet: a page of the Dachshund File, its content hidden until you buyInside the file
The back: when to call the vet
The fridge cheat sheet: a page of the Dachshund File, its content hidden until you buyInside the file
The fridge cheat sheet

Real pages from the file. The good part is in there, waiting.

Doodles

Goldendoodles, Labradoodles and other Poodle crosses.

Pre-order · arrives within 7 days or refunded Pre-order · $19

Mixed Breed

For the one and only. Built on how dogs learn, not on a label.

Pre-order · arrives within 7 days or refunded Pre-order · $19
  • 83 published sources, all listed at the back of the Dachshund File.
  • 42 pages to print, plus a big-type edition for your phone.
  • Reward-based only, the way veterinary behavior experts recommend: never a shock, prong or choke collar.

You're not alone on my couch: in 2025, the dachshund became America's 5th most popular breed, its first time that high since 2003 (American Kennel Club).

Sources include the American Veterinary Society of Animal Behavior, the ASPCA, the American Kennel Club and Cornell's veterinary college. They don't endorse Dr. Noodle: we read them, so you don't have to.

What's inside every file
  1. The patient fileWhat your breed was originally bred to do, and why humans call it "stubborn".
  2. The breed's brainNose, bark, energy, independence: what your dog is built to care about.
  3. The 7 behaviors that drive humans crazyWhy each one happens, what to do first, and when to call a pro.
  4. Needs by agePuppy, teenager, adult, senior: what changes, and what to watch.
  5. Enrichment for your breedGames and jobs that use what your dog was built for.
  6. When to see your vetThe red flags for your breed and how urgent each one is (signs to watch, never medical advice).
  7. Gear: yes and noWhat helps, and the tools we never use (no shock, prong or choke).
  8. A 7-day start plan10 minutes a day, plus a bonus 30-day plan.
  9. PrintablesA progress tracker, a body-language cheat sheet, and house rules for the fridge.
  10. Every sourceThe published guidance behind every tip, listed at the back.
Pearl, a gray cat with half-closed eyes and a pearl necklace

Pearl's House Rules · $7

When everyone in the house uses different words and different rules, your dog has to guess. Pearl, our receptionist, wrote the rules down. She doesn't like dogs. She likes rules.

A printable set with your dog's name on it: house rules for the fridge, the family's cue words, and a door card for guests. One tap to add it, right above the checkout button.

Dr. Noodle looking over his glasses

The Good Boy Guarantee

If the file doesn't help you understand your dog, email us within 30 days and you get every cent back, with no explanation needed.

Pre-orders are also refunded automatically if your file isn't delivered within 7 days. You don't have to ask.

A dachshund with a couch, a notebook, and sources.

Dr. Noodle is a nine-year-old shelter dachshund who opened an office because, he says, the dogs are fine and it's the humans who need help. He is a cartoon, not a vet and not a dog trainer.

Every tip comes from published, reward-based guidance (the American Veterinary Society of Animal Behavior, the American Kennel Club, veterinary schools and shelters), and every file lists its sources at the back. When something needs a professional, the file says so, and says who. Free sessions on Instagram: @askdrnoodle.

Questions

Is Dr. Noodle a real vet?

No. He is a cartoon dachshund. The files are educational, based on published reward-based guidance, and they are not veterinary advice. If your dog has bitten, growls, seems in pain, or changed suddenly, see your vet or a certified behavior professional first.

What is a pre-order?

Your breed's file is being written. You pay today and it arrives by email within 7 days. If it doesn't, you're refunded automatically, in full. You don't have to ask.

My dog is a mix.

Take the Mixed Breed file: it is built on how every dog learns, with a guide to reading your own dog. Or pick the breed that is most of your dog.

Is there a subscription?

No. One payment, and the file is yours. No renewals, ever.

Do you use punishment?

No. Reward-based methods only. No shock, prong or choke collars, no sprays, no yelling. That is also what veterinary behavior experts recommend.

What will my card statement say?

LINK.COM* followed by our name. Link is Stripe's checkout, which sells the file on our behalf and handles tax, receipts and payment support.

How do I read it?

You get two PDFs: a phone edition with big type, and a print edition (US Letter) with the printables.